Challenge #16 What's The Gist Lyricist?

[john]

Hi

Like any publisher, the Songstuff Songwriter Development Team looks to develop it's writers by a variety of means including collaboration, writing for specific goals and by focusing writers on set skills development.

The discipline you have as writers is important, so is the development of your critical analysis skills. With important writing projects coming up it has become necessary to further develop and assess both your writing process and your critique skills.

This is a more serious challenge than some of the others and therefor it is both more demanding and more rewarding.

A carrot and stick approach will be taken. Ie both reward AND punishment will be applied for good performance and poor performance accordingly.

Each of you will draft a song, 3 verses long, with a chorus and a pre-chorus and bridge section.

Your song should be the very best you can deliver in 3 days. Ie it should be posted by the end of Monday. This is to allow time for the second and more important part of this challenge.

If you cannot complete your draft in this time although you WILL be allowed to continue the challenge, you will not be rewarded upon completion of the challenge.

Your song should deal with the topic of "Self Delusion"

If you do not enter THIS CHALLENGE, you CANNOT ENTER THE NEXT CHALLENGE next week. This is because they are going to be related.

The second part of THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE is that of critique. During the remainder of the week you CANNOT REWRITE YOUR DRAFT! You will have the opportunity to do so after next Friday as part of the following week's task.

And so to the critique section of the challenge.

Each of you will be assigned two of the other lyrics to critique. This means that each work will be discussed by the writer and two others only ( at least until Friday )

Each initial critique will be no less than 500 words. This will merely be the start of discussion on that work.

The writer should acknowledge each and every point raised.

The critiques should identify what works and what doesn't and seek to explain both.

Where issues or potential issues are identified a suggested solution should be provided with a clear explanation of how and why it would address the issue.

Your critique should cover the title, the structure, the plot / theme, the vehicle, the message, the use of rhyme, alliteration and meter, the use of language, placement of hooks and it should identify the use of metaphors, allegories and similes.

I will be looking at both the initial critique and the following discussion. As the writer your participation will also be examined.

If you are not sure of what any of that is, now is the time to learn it by asking or by reading about the same in our articles! I happily recommend the articles relating to critique and improving lyrics writing in our library to accompany you in this challenge.

This is a tough but vital challenge. It will help shape the writers you become and the self awareness, purpose and confidence with which you write. Miss this at your peril!

As a reward each of you who passes the assessment will be added to a member group that will give you a larger PM mailbox, the ability to upload a background image for your board profile ( see mine ), you will get more gallery space and a link directly to your board profile will be included in the next community newsletter! You will also get a nice award seal to display in your board signature and a certificate stating that you passed a Songstuff Critique Standards (Level 1) assessment. This is brand new and is being introduced to help drive improvements in critique. This is in part in response to comments regarding critique standards. As it stands 3 levels will be introduced.

If on the other hand you fail the assessment you will not get the rewards and will have to retake the assessment to get the certificate and seal.

I will happily give what help I can. Please ask if you need clarification.

As I was planning a critique based challenge combining this with the certificate assessment seems so good fit. Be warned, not all might pass the assessment, though I will do all I can to ensure you have the best chance to do so.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attain your SCS 1 certificate. Good luck!

This post will not self destruct but it does have a use by date! SCS assessments will only be run periodically.

[Kel]

Never Saw It Coming                                    New submission

 

V1

Davy's draped across the bar

Hardly even noticed me arrive.

It's been this way a while now

And it's hard to see the shattered wreck

That once was so glad to be alive.

 

V2

Davy thought he had it all

Thought that all his dreams had come on through.

He was telling all of us

How much he looked forward to proposing

How good he thought his life would be with you.

 

But Davy being Davy loving you...

 

C

He never saw it coming

Your veil of lies he wanted to believe.

I hope your happy with yourself

The way you used the way he felt

We all saw and told him what you'd do

But Davy being Davy

He never saw it coming, losing you.

 

V3

Davy stumbled past me

Bloodshot eyes like roadmaps through his pain.

I followed at a distance

Just to see he made it to the next bar

Where he'd have another round and try again.

 

But Davy being Davy loving you...

 

C

He never saw it coming

Your veil of lies he wanted to believe.

I hope your happy with yourself

The way you used the way he felt

We all saw and told him what you'd do

But Davy being Davy

He never saw it coming, losing you.

 

Br

He could have been the best thing in your life

He could have been the friend you never had

He could have been so many things

But now he's just a shattered memory

 

C

He never saw it coming

Your veil of lies he wanted to believe.

I hope your happy with yourself

The way you used the way he felt

We all saw and told him what you'd do

But Davy being Davy

He never saw it coming, losing you.

 

 

Cheers,

Kel  

Edited October 6, 2013 by Kel

[Rudi]

I thought I was quick.

 

Good standard set there Kel.

[Rudi]

Hey John,

 

We are doing several challenges at once here. I thought we had 4 weeks to do the one a fortnight ago?

 

If I wanted to juggle I would have joined a circus!

[Kel]

I had an unfair advantage Rudi, I've lived with self delusion for nearly 54 years!

 

Or I had deluded myself I lived in self delusion!

 

Or maybe I had delusions that I lived in a deluded reality where delusion is merely a state of mind?

 

Or perhaps my normal state of delusion has everyone else under the delusion I was deluded?

 

My head hurts... Mother, fetch the doctor. You know, one who is just a phone call away. I don't care, Mother, if he isn't a medical doctor. If he's a doctor he'll get here fast enough if he know's what's good for him. Mother you know it's just an expression, now hurry up I need my medicine. Mother? Mother, where are you? Mother? Mother are you there? Mummy? Oh Mummy.... Here Mummy, there's a good girl. Where are you, you cantankerous b***h! Don't you know how important I am?

Edited October 5, 2013 by Kel

[Vagdavercustis]

Wow... Okay I'm going to try.
But I have a lot of work at home and at my job these days.
And still working on the 4 weeks challenge... My inspiration is gone (on vacation I think)
Can someone explain me short and quick what a pre-chorus is?
And yes I know it comes before the chorus

[john]

Wow... Okay I'm going to try.

But I have a lot of work at home and at my job these days.

And still working on the 4 weeks challenge... My inspiration is gone (on vacation I think)

Can someone explain me short and quick what a pre-chorus is?

And yes I know it comes before the chorus

You will find it described here:

http://songwriting.songstuff.com/article/song_building_blocks/

[john]

Hey John,

 

We are doing several challenges at once here. I thought we had 4 weeks to do the one a fortnight ago?

 

If I wanted to juggle I would have joined a circus!

True, though I am assuming that it is a shared load and lyrically, as the lyrics part was completed more or less a week ago, that you'd be getting all twitchy by now lol

[Kel]

Vagda, the article John put you onto is pretty good and tells it like it is. For a non-technical description though...

 

A pre-chorus is a link between the verse and the chorus. It usually rises in pitch toward the pitch of the chorus. Lyrically it can be different every time, but is very effective if the same, or with only slight variation every time. It can be up to 4 lines, and as few as one, though two (2) lines seems to be more common.

 

Example:

 

V1 Line 1

     Line 2

     Line 3

     Line 4

And I never realised

What true love really means...

 

Chorus 

L1

L2 etc

 

V2 Line 1

     Line 2

     Line 3

     Line 4

And I never realised

What true love really means...

 

Chorus etc

 

The Pre-chorus is actually a part of the verse, and is not usually separated or labelled, but for the excersize either leaving a line before the pre-chorus or labelling would be an idea as John wants to see it included. I just used a clear line above, and a single line prechorus that has a similar theme, but not content...

 

Hope that helps too.

 

Kel 

[JDHarris]

I forgot to add my title "Poor Delusional Me"

[JDHarris]

Les, I got this challenge as a notification. 

Jan

[Lisa Gates]

I had an unfair advantage Rudi, I've lived with self delusion for nearly 54 years!

 

Or I had deluded myself I lived in self delusion!

 

Or maybe I had delusions that I lived in a deluded reality where delusion is merely a state of mind?

 

Or perhaps my normal state of delusion has everyone else under the delusion I was deluded?

 

My head hurts... Mother, fetch the doctor. You know, one who is just a phone call away. I don't care, Mother, if he isn't a medical doctor. If he's a doctor he'll get here fast enough if he know's what's good for him. Mother you know it's just an expression, now hurry up I need my medicine. Mother? Mother, where are you? Mother? Mother are you there? Mummy? Oh Mummy.... Here Mummy, there's a good girl. Where are you, you cantankerous b***h! Don't you know how important I am?

1 word:

AWESOME!

[Lisa Gates]

Poo! I only just seen this challenge! Today! Now! Cripe's not sure if I can make it but I will have a go!

Dont know why it never highlighted for me as a new post?

Les

I've only just seen it today too...We have bad weather so I looked yesterday but didn't read...ha ha on us! I work better under pressure anyway! You'll do fine! Have faith. :-)

[goldylocks]

Hi

Like any publisher, the Songstuff Songwriter Development Team looks to develop it's writers by a variety of means including collaboration, writing for specific goals and by focusing writers on set skills development.

The discipline you have as writers is important, so is the development of your critical analysis skills. With important writing projects coming up it has become necessary to further develop and assess both your writing process and your critique skills.

This is a more serious challenge than some of the others and therefor it is both more demanding and more rewarding.

A carrot and stick approach will be taken. Ie both reward AND punishment will be applied for good performance and poor performance accordingly.

Each of you will draft a song, 3 verses long, with a chorus and a pre-chorus and bridge section.

Your song should be the very best you can deliver in 3 days. Ie it should be posted by the end of Monday. This is to allow time for the second and more important part of this challenge.

If you cannot complete your draft in this time although you WILL be allowed to continue the challenge, you will not be rewarded upon completion of the challenge.

Your song should deal with the topic of "Self Delusion"

If you do not enter THIS CHALLENGE, you CANNOT ENTER THE NEXT CHALLENGE next week. This is because they are going to be related.

The second part of THIS WEEK'S CHALLENGE is that of critique. During the remainder of the week you CANNOT REWRITE YOUR DRAFT! You will have the opportunity to do so after next Friday as part of the following week's task.

And so to the critique section of the challenge.

Each of you will be assigned two of the other lyrics to critique. This means that each work will be discussed by the writer and two others only ( at least until Friday )

Each initial critique will be no less than 500 words. This will merely be the start of discussion on that work.

The writer should acknowledge each and every point raised.

The critiques should identify what works and what doesn't and seek to explain both.

Where issues or potential issues are identified a suggested solution should be provided with a clear explanation of how and why it would address the issue.

Your critique should cover the title, the structure, the plot / theme, the vehicle, the message, the use of rhyme, alliteration and meter, the use of language, placement of hooks and it should identify the use of metaphors, allegories and similes.

I will be looking at both the initial critique and the following discussion. As the writer your participation will also be examined.

If you are not sure of what any of that is, now is the time to learn it by asking or by reading about the same in our articles! I happily recommend the articles relating to critique and improving lyrics writing in our library to accompany you in this challenge.

This is a tough but vital challenge. It will help shape the writers you become and the self awareness, purpose and confidence with which you write. Miss this at your peril!

As a reward each of you who passes the assessment will be added to a member group that will give you a larger PM mailbox, the ability to upload a background image for your board profile ( see mine ), you will get more gallery space and a link directly to your board profile will be included in the next community newsletter! You will also get a nice award seal to display in your board signature and a certificate stating that you passed a Songstuff Critique Standards (Level 1) assessment. This is brand new and is being introduced to help drive improvements in critique. This is in part in response to comments regarding critique standards. As it stands 3 levels will be introduced.

If on the other hand you fail the assessment you will not get the rewards and will have to retake the assessment to get the certificate and seal.

I will happily give what help I can. Please ask if you need clarification.

As I was planning a critique based challenge combining this with the certificate assessment seems so good fit. Be warned, not all might pass the assessment, though I will do all I can to ensure you have the best chance to do so.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attain your SCS 1 certificate. Good luck!

This post will not self destruct but it does have a use by date! SCS assessments will only be run periodically.

John, I did a  demo vocal with no music, can I add it to my song, to give a rough idea of what it might sound like with somewhat of a melody? Or is that not acceptable for now. My voice sucks, but at least it could show some possibilities of what the lyrics sound like.

 

Goldy  

[john]

I have no objection to this

[Lisa Gates]

Hi Goldy,

I was expecting horrible and was pleasantly surprised. Not bad my dear! I'll see if I can record something too. It will have to be tomorrow I may have time before Monday ends...

thanks Goldy, this is great fun!

[Vagdavercustis]

Wow Goldy, thumbs up for the singing!!   
 

[goldylocks]

Wow Goldy, thumbs up for the singing!!   

 

Thanks for the thumbs up. I appreciate your encouragement.

 

Goldy    

[goldylocks]

Hi Goldy,

I was expecting horrible and was pleasantly surprised. Not bad my dear! I'll see if I can record something too. It will have to be tomorrow I may have time before Monday ends...

thanks Goldy, this is great fun!

Thanks Lisa, my voice isn't what it used to be when I was younger, now I run out of breath, and can hardly continue to sing. Looking forward to your song. I listened to some of your songs on Sound Cloud, pretty nice, 

 

Goldy    

 .

Edited October 7, 2013 by goldylocks

[Kel]

Goldy,

 

I wish I could sing as badly as you!

 

Honestly, there is no need to put your singing down. I don't have perfect hearing thanks to tinnitus, but I hear no notes off pitch. In fact I'd say it was spot on all the way through. You have a pleasant tone (and even those who can sing in key don't always have that!) and it was easy, very easy to listen to.

 

If you are unable to play an instrument to accompany you, have a look at ChordPulse Lite. You can arrange an accompaniment in 16 styles and you can select the chords. It's pretty easy to use. Even I can do it!

 

And you are right, singing them, brought your lyrics to life!

 

Well done,

Kel

Edited October 7, 2013 by Kel