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Kel

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Blog Comments posted by Kel

    Stop And Listen!

    in Songstuff Stuff

    A group blog by Songstuff Staff in General

    Posted

    I often stop and listen to a busker. I often can't stay long, but I turn, look, listen and throw a coin or two in their case. And I get a few minutes worth of peace and pleasantness as a reward.

     

    I'm weird though!

    Posted

    Isn't this what the Sex Pistols were saying in the mid to late 70's?

     

    Anyway... A democracy is easily the least efficient form of government. It would be wonderful if we could all have a benevolent dictator who will make all the "best" decisions for us without any red tape. Anyway, we all know what happens when power is put into the hands of one, or even a few men. Peace in our time!

     

    So we are stuck with democracy, the trouble is, no matter who we vote for, we get a politician!

     

    We had a woman down here in the 90s who ran a fish and chip store. She wasn't a politician, she didn't say things a politicain would say, and she asked questions the polititicans didn't want to answer. So what happened? They threw her in gaol! Somehow, somebody came up with "evidence" she used a postage stamp she shouldn't have somewhere and in she went. Problem solved. I was a member of a political party at that time, and the whole party machinery moved away from it's policies onto how to assasinate her political life. It's not what I joined the party for so I quit.

     

    In our recent election a young guy, out of work and a self confessed motoring enthusiast won a senate seat. He's not a politician. I can't wait to see what happens when he asks a question the pollies aren't ready for.

     

    I wish him luck. Keep thinking, it makes us all do the same.

     

    Anyone have some Aspirin?

     

    Kel

    Posted

    Thanks Jan,

     

    The song was performed and produced by Nigel Cuff of Nigel Cuff Music in UK. My only beef is that I didn't pick up that he used an early version of the recording I sent him and therefore the guitar is the same monotonous 4 beat chord throughout. He gets the riff right, though not the filler that follows "no good way, not one!" in the middle of the chorus. Still I was very happy with my $AUS78 investment. Yes $AUS78! (Ultra basic plan)

     

    He mastered it for free too, though I think that was in the hope for more commissions, and he is line for that.

     

    Thanks for your feedback.

    Kel

    Posted

    Hi Sensen,

     

    I don't mean to burst your bubble, but I think if you posted in the critique section you may learn that this isn't finished yet.

     

    The main thing here is you are saying you are overcome by emotions but lack the details. It's the details that matter. You've mentioned some behaviours but they are outcomes not reasons. If the rest of your catalogue is similar there is some work to do yet.

     

    I'm not saying it isn't any good, or doesn't have promise, it's just not there yet, in my opinion.

     

    Kel

    Posted

    Hey Scotto, thanks for chiming in.

     

    You don't have to use everything you write in the prose, but the exercise tends to create more information as you explore all the minutiae you don't know. Converting prose to lyric is another step in the process, but the whole point is to generate ideas you didn't previously have.

     

    Glad you had some fun with it.

    Kel

    Posted

    If you haven't already, perhaps you could put your tunes up somewhere for potential lyricists can hear them... maybe they already have lyrics waiting for a tune?

     

    Hint! Hint!

     

    Kel

     

    LOL I just saw this was posted in 2007! Maybe you've written a few more lines since then?

    Posted

    David Kirkpatrick, other wise known as Slim Dusty is the crowned, revered and much loved king of Australian Country Music. He specialised in a pick/strum sound and sang of ordinary people and toured the wide Australian landscape in a beat up old car entertaining isolated communities in a laid back way that won him accolade after accolade.

     

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slim_Dusty

     

    While he wrote a lot of songs himself, the real power lay in the talent and prolific craft of his wife, Joy McKean who wrote most of the songs that made him famous.

     

    She is listed as one of my influences, and sadly, in "rockcentric" Australia, most people wouldn't have a clue who you were talking about if you asked about her.

    Posted

    Hi Jr,

     

    Firstly, I don't think a blog is really the best place for this. The Lyric forum is where you will get a lot more responses.

     

    I don't know how much you know about songwriting but there is a lot here that doesn't conform to any established guidelines on form or structure let alone lots of other things.

     

    Now I don't want to sound dismissive of your efforts, but I recommend the first thing you do is read every article you can when you click the Articles and Reviews button at the bottom of the page.

     

    Now some basics on structure:

     

    You want us your reviewers to clearly see what is a verse, and what is a chorus. If we can't clearly see what is going on, it's harder to make sense of, and harder to provide a meaningful review. Lyrics are not poetry, and although they combine some of the tools of poetry, they are much easier to read with left alignment.

     

    Clearly label your verse and your chorus and your bridge if you have one.

     

    Your title is way too long. It's even too long for a cheesy country song. I'd suggest "Mean To Me", as that will be easier to remember, and takes some explaining. Others may suggest something different.

     

    Lyrics work best when there is a clear hook. A hook is a device that is repeated, and sticks in the head of the listener, and helps them to remember the song long after they've heard it. Solid examples include "I can't get no satisfaction" and "Don't break my heart, my achy breaky heart" and even "Oops! I've done it again!" Despite what you think of those songs, I'm sure the hooks are familiar.

     

    What you have done well, mostly, is stick to a recognisable rhyme scheme. AABB for the most part.

     

    Your rhymes are, again mostly, perfect rhymes such as air/hair or red/bed and while they work, they can be cheesy, boring and sound forced, even when they aren't. An example where you have used an imperfect rhyme is listen/reminiscin'. Similar, but not exact. These imperfect rhymes will make your lyric seem more sophisticated. You don't have to use them every time, but a little more would break the monotony of the perfect rhymes.

     

    The other thing for you to work on, is to have your verses balanced with each other. One way is to make sure you have the same number of stressed syllables in respective lines of different verses.

     

    I don't want you to think I'm saying what you have done is crap. Mainly it isn't working because the basics aren't covered properly. However the good news is all this can be learned. It's a craft rather than a talent. We are all learning the craft here, some of us are simply in different stages.

     

    After reading the articles below, I suggest you also take a look through my Kelisms blog, http://forums.songstuff.com/blog/181-kelisms/ which presents a lot of the same information in a less technical way. I can't remember technical terms to save my life so I rarely use them. I suggest you start at the first one and work your way through. They aren't long and address many aspects of the craft, as I think of them. And there will be more to come.

     

    Don't give up, and don't try to cram it all in at once.

     

    Cheers,

    Kel

     

    http://forums.songstuff.com/blog/181-kelisms/

    • Like 1

    Posted

    I agree with you whole heartedly, with every point you've raised here. There is bias from friends and rellies, and can go either way, and "peers" will offer different views to "target audience" and it's good to have a cross section of opinions from both camps. That however, is the hard part.

     

    I also like to get into providing critiques, and usually target the offerings with no responses, but that's just me. Turn about is fair play, after all.

     

    Kel

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