Challenge #15 Writing For The Strolling Bones

[Kel]

Hi Vagda,

 

I think you're on the right track here, but to be honest I'm no sure about the last two lines of the chorus. I think it is finished at Drippin' love all over the place.

 

I also think the last chorus moving in on home base or really owning home base, something like that. Third base (in my understanding of American metaphoric parlance) is not quite where they have obviously already been!

 

Cheers,

Kel

[JDHarris]

Vagda, I think you got the right idea with Drippin' Love.  I like this very much and agree with Kel with the ending. 

 

Jan

[JDHarris]

Hey, I guess I have to return my Rolls Royce now.  Should have listened to mama when she said "don't count your chickens until all the eggs have hatched"

 

jan

Edited October 1, 2013 by JDHarris

[Lisa Gates]

Hi DonnaMarylin, Haven't seen you in forever Hope all has been well.

I hope it is ok that you can use your lyrics because this song works!

I'm thinking this song is a bit long but it tells a gritty story that The Stones  Bones would like. I can hear Mick singing some of these lines for sure.

Lisa

Edited October 1, 2013 by lguzda

[Lisa Gates]

Hey, I guess I have to return my Rolls Royce now.  Should have listened to mama when she said "don't count your chickens until all the eggs have hatched"

 

jan

awww dang! me too.

[Lisa Gates]

 

I've changed my mind and went with Drippin' love.

 

I took the car, destination unknown

Followed the road far away from home

Stopped by a little diner place

There she stood in all her grace

 

She came up and asked me

Would you like some coffee or tea

Long blond hair, a little bit shy

I replied, what about your pie

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

 

She got me going all night long

Giving it to her hard and strong

When the sun came up in the sky,

time to hit the road, no goodbye

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

 

Hi Vagda, I picked the same title too but like your direction alot.

I hope I'm not being a pain but I like the last two lines of your chorus. But If you agree with Kel that they don't fit, maybe they can go somewhere else? Maybe add it to verse 3 and make it a bridge instead of a verse? The Stones Bones don't seem to fit thier songs into one type of structure, they are all over the place!

Just my 2 cents...

Lisa

Edited October 1, 2013 by lguzda

[Lisa Gates]

Red Hot Mama - First Draft

 

You might think I toe the line too easy

You might think I give in way to fast

You might think I ain't balls to stand up

You don't realise just what I got...

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

You could say she's way hard to handle

You could say she's got me on a string

You could say she's way out of control

You don't realise just what I got...

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

I can see Mick doing his chicken strut to this.. lol

Kel, I don't know why I keep saying "I can hear Mick sing this" when he CAN'T sing! oops did I say that outloud?

I think you've hit The Stones (I mean Bones) right on the head with this one. Mick will be adding "uhs" and "ohs" and all his whatever to it no problemo!

L

[Vagdavercustis]

Red Hot Mama - First Draft

 

You might think I toe the line too easy

You might think I give in way to fast

You might think I ain't balls to stand up

You don't realise just what I got...

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

You could say she's way hard to handle

You could say she's got me on a string

You could say she's way out of control

You don't realise just what I got...

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

My red hot Mama

She ain't so easy to please

My red hot Mama

She got me on my knees

She's a red hot Mama

A red hot Mama to me!

 

I can see Mick doing his chicken strut to this.. lol

It looks like a simple lyric but it's a damn good one! (in my opinion)   

It really sticks into your head (yes I have a melody inside my head with this one)

 

[Lisa Gates]

This is my 2nd version, I wanted to write the reality of my sad version of being called Red Hot Mama .

 

Red Hot Mama 

 

 

V

She walks the street at night  

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

 

 

Pre Chorus

 

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

 

V

 

The lady puts on her red lipstick   

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

 

V

 

Age has played her so hard 

Yet she still tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

 

B

 

She wonders if her life will change

But she really doesn't know

If she had someone to help 

She'd have hope for tomorrow 

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

Goldy    

Hi Goldy! I think I've read what everyone else put for your song here, but I have one other note to share with you. More times than not The Stones (I mean Bones) seem to write in the First Person (I hope that's right...) Mick always seems to be in the song: (I, ME) Your song is in the third person (SHE, THEY)

I really do like your descriptive story though. Its well rounded. Maybe your challenge is to now make it for The Bones!

Lisa

[Vagdavercustis]

Version 2:  Highway Sixty Nine      (Basically the same premise just a different spin)

 

Flight 669 leaving town at 7:09 am

I'm a worried man

Scared you might slip n go joy ride again

Don't go down the road, no don't cross the line

Please don't drive

Down highway, down highway 69

 

Please girl don't take that road

There's danger round each bend

If you go travelling stepping out with other men

It will be hard for you and I

to make again amends

Don't trust

 

The hoards of trolling men, lurking in the dark

Cast their lines, a fish like you, might swallow  when they bark

Take it slow baby, yeah just don't go

Don't play the part, take care your heart

Don't drive in that guys lane 

You know its not safe, please stay out of the game

 

69 my little fish sign, They only want to dine

Lead you astray when I'm away

Don't be their game

Don't change your mind up now 

It's mans game, don't you know

It's men who make and break rules

 

Don't be fooled by what they say

Close your mind and ears

Words, may take your breath away

Be wary when I say, don't believe words they repeat

Don't go down , no don't go down

that Highway look around

 

Highway 69 there ain't no way

love ever could be found 

Don't go down , no don't go down

that highway 69

69 I'm on sixty nine

I coming home now

69 oh 69 and

I'll be coming now

I like this version better than the first one.

It reads better for me... It has a certain flow that the first one didn't have.

If that makes any sense to you  

 

[Vagdavercustis]

Thanks Kel, for your input, I always value what you say.. I just read the Roxanne.lyrics. Talk about repetition, and the lyrics are as basic as can be. How did that song become a hit? It sounds almost Reggae, not my cup of tea, but I see a lot of the similarities in my lyrics of a worn out hooker

Let's face it

.

My lyrics can't get no satisfaction

My lyrics can't get no satisfaction

'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can't get no, I can't get no

All I get is an explained reaction

I can't get no, oh no, no, no

Hey, hey, hey, that's what I say LOL

..

 

 

Goldy     

 

.

 

 

 .

I know that song 'Roxanne' from the movie Moulin Rouge.

It gives me goosbumbs everytime!! You really need to check it out

[Vagdavercustis]

This is my 2nd version, I wanted to write the reality of my sad version of being called Red Hot Mama .

 

Red Hot Mama 

 

 

V

She walks the street at night  

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

 

 

Pre Chorus

 

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

 

V

 

The lady puts on her red lipstick   

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

 

V

 

Age has played her so hard 

Yet she still tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

 

B

 

She wonders if her life will change

But she really doesn't know

If she had someone to help 

She'd have hope for tomorrow 

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

Goldy    

I really really really like this one!! Good job on that.

And if it's a Bones song or not... I know 3 songs of them so I can't judge about that.

But Madonna changes her style every 5 minutes so why can't the Bones

This tells a story that you will remember, and that's the point of writing (in my opinion)

[Vagdavercustis]

Hi Vagda,

 

I think you're on the right track here, but to be honest I'm no sure about the last two lines of the chorus. I think it is finished at Drippin' love all over the place.

 

I also think the last chorus moving in on home base or really owning home base, something like that. Third base (in my understanding of American metaphoric parlance) is not quite where they have obviously already been!

 

Cheers,

Kel

You're right about the last chorus... I will adjust it.

Not sure if I'm going to drop the last 2 lines. It just fits with the melody inside my head.

Going to think that one trough

Thanks for the advice!

[Vagdavercustis]

Hi Vagda, I picked the same title too but like your direction alot.

I hope I'm not being a pain but I like the last two lines of your chorus. But If you agree with Kel that they don't fit, maybe they can go somewhere else? Maybe add it to verse 3 and make it a bridge instead of a verse? The Stones Bones don't seem to fit thier songs into one type of structure, they are all over the place!

Just my 2 cents...

Lisa

Now I'm curious about your lyric and what you have done with the title

I'm not sure about the last 2 lines. It fits with the melody I have inside my head but if others think that it does't need those 2 lines I can better erase them I guess.

I apreciate your thoughts!

[Lisa Gates]

Ok, I'm not myself...I have NEVER liked the Stones (or Bones)  so here goes:

 

Drippin’ Love

 

Drippin’ love in drips and drabs

Your love takes all I have

I shouldn’t blame you, I know

Girl, your Drippin’ love won’t let me go

 

Drippin’ love count one, two, three

Careless tears fall on me

Rip my heart out as you please

Girl, your Drippin’ love I’m on my knees

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

 

Drippin Love I’m sweatin now

Lasting love teach me how

Workin it until I drop

Girl, your Drippin Love don’t let it stop

 

Drippin Love I’ve had my way

Dammit girl you can’t stay

There’s someone else coming home

Girl, your Drippin Love is free to roam

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

[Lisa Gates]

Now I'm curious about your lyric and what you have done with the title

I'm not sure about the last 2 lines. It fits with the melody I have inside my head but if others think that it does't need those 2 lines I can better erase them I guess.

I apreciate your thoughts!

keep the lines! go with your instinct! I just posted my little ditty...ugh!

[Lisa Gates]

I know that song 'Roxanne' from the movie Moulin Rouge.

It gives me goosbumbs everytime!! You really need to check it out

Moulin Rouge, now you've done it! I need my Ewan McGreggor fix now. Yummy!!!!

[Rudi]

Version 2:  Highway Sixty Nine      (Basically the same premise just a different spin)

 

Flight 669 leaving town at 7:09 am

I'm a worried man

Scared you might slip n go joy ride again

Don't go down the road, no don't cross the line

Please don't drive

Down highway, down highway 69

 

Please girl don't take that road

There's danger round each bend

If you go travelling stepping out with other men

It will be hard for you and I

to make again amends

Don't trust

 

The hoards of trolling men, lurking in the dark

Cast their lines, a fish like you, might swallow  when they bark

Take it slow baby, yeah just don't go

Don't play the part, take care your heart

Don't drive in that guys lane 

You know its not safe, please stay out of the game

 

69 my little fish sign, They only want to dine

Lead you astray when I'm away

Don't be their game

Don't change your mind up now 

It's mans game, don't you know

It's men who make and break rules

 

Don't be fooled by what they say

Close your mind and ears

Words, may take your breath away

Be wary when I say, don't believe words they repeat

Don't go down , no don't go down

that Highway look around

 

Highway 69 there ain't no way

love ever could be found 

Don't go down , no don't go down

that highway 69

69 I'm on sixty nine

I coming home now

69 oh 69 and

I'll be coming now

 

You know I am amazed at how well this turned out. I can hear the 4 chords (its usually 4) and Mick's delivery in every line.

 

Well done for steering away from the obvious. Its all the better for it.

[Rudi]

Red Hot Mama 

 

 

V

She walks the street at night  

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

 

 

Pre Chorus

 

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

 

V

 

The lady puts on her red lipstick   

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

 

V

 

Age has played her so hard 

Yet she still tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

 

B

 

She wonders if her life will change

But she really doesn't know

If she had someone to help 

She'd have hope for tomorrow 

 

C

 

They call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

Not a Red Hot Mama at all

 

 

You are a tower of industry Goldy. This was a lot of work. In fact I think you worked a bit too hard. Once the idea is established. Mick & Keith's songs never develop as yours has done.

 

But you should do it your way I think. Why restrict yourself to a format after all?

 

It started as a Stones song and ended as a Goldy song. No bad thing!

[john]

I can’t believe this. All my family and workmates think I have a chance for inclusion on a Rolling Stones song. Only the band were sceptical, but I have assured them that this is all genuine and happening. They remain sceptical, and now I’m never going to live this down.

Thanks a bunch John

Oh come on, previous challenges were along the lines of a made up scenario, such as Wylie Blues contacting Songstuff, with Songstuff acting as your "publisher" asking you to write a song. It was only ever intended to give a fun backdrop for the challenges, and to my knowledge no one thought Songstuff was anyone's publisher or that an unknown old blues artist was looking for a blues song. In fact it was remarked upon that the made up backdrops were a nice angle that helped bring the challenges to life.

Why on earth would it suddenly change to such an extent, with such a massively huge band contacting Songstuff about this and there being absolutely no promotion of that fact anywhere on the site outside of the first post of this topic?

It was never my intent to make anyone look foolish, or indeed for it to be perceived anything other than another challenge, simply that this one was for writing lyrics suitable for a well known band.

Songstuff has been around for years but I would be very very surprised if they have even heard of Songstuff never mind selecting this specific, relatively unknown writing group (even within this site) to approach about writing a song for them.

So, while I am truly sorry there was a misunderstanding I think you at least own some of how far you took it without clarification and taking it so far beyond the previous first topic backstory. I was just returned from an unplanned hospital stay and feeling crap, otherwise I might have noticed your original excitement and realised it was more than simply enjoying the concept and tried to correct the misunderstanding at that point.

To keep things nice and simple from now on there'll be no more back stories or frills, just the challenge plain and simple.