Challenge #15 Writing For The Strolling Bones

[Vagdavercustis]

I'm going with 'keep it up all night'
See where it leads me

[goldylocks]

This is my 2nd version, I wanted to write the reality of my sad version of being called Red Hot Mama EDITED TO FIRST PERSON.

 

Red Hot Mama 

 

 

V

I watch her on the street at night  

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

 

 

Pre Chorus

 

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

 

C

 

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

 

 

V

 

I see her in shiny red lipstick   

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

 

V

 

Age has played her so hard 

I know she tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

 

B

 

I wonder if her life will change

But I really don't know

If she had family to help 

She'd have hope for tomorrow 

 

C

 

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she appears to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

 

Goldy    

Edited October 1, 2013 by goldylocks

[JDHarris]

I really like this one Goldy. 

[goldylocks]

Thank you JD, for the nice comment, but I don't think this is the style of the Rolling Stones, more like the Beatles style. Now yours on the other hand is extremely well written and I can see Mic Jagger singing these verses, jumping around.  It's all very Mic Jagger, but these are my favorite verses.

 

Goldy      

 

Don't be fooled by what they say

Close your mind and ears

Words, may take your breath away

Be wary when I say, don't believe words they repeat

Don't go down , no don't go down

that Highway look around

 

Highway 69 there ain't no way

love ever could be found 

Don't go down , no don't go down

that highway 69

69 I'm on sixty nine

I coming home now

69 oh 69 and

I'll be coming now

[Vagdavercustis]

Can someone explain me what 'Drippin love' means... translated to my language it doesn't make sense

[goldylocks]

Can someone explain me what 'Drippin love' means... translated to my language it doesn't make sense

Vagda, it means something that flows or drips. Something like this

 

 

Baby, when you kiss me with your lips

You keep drippin love down on me

The taste of those sweet kisses

Makes my heart beat rapidly 

 

Goldy    

Edited October 1, 2013 by goldylocks

[Vagdavercustis]

Vagda, it means something that flows or drips. Something like this

 

 

Baby, when kiss me with your lips

You keep drippin love down on me

The taste of those sweet kisses

Makes my heart beat rapidly 

 

Goldy    

Okay thanks!!

It makes sense to me now Feeling stupid!

[Kel]

no need to feel stupid it was meant to be a catchy title, and you can make of it what you will. 

 

Sometimes obscure titles like Drippin' Love can be great, and other times just ridiculous. 

 

It is unique though, and that my attract the attention of the A&R guy  at the record label. What comes next had better be worth it though.

 

Kel

[Kel]

Thank you JD, for the nice comment, but I don't think this is the style of the Rolling Stones, more like the Beatles style. Now yours on the other hand is extremely well written and I can see Mic Jagger singing these verses, jumping around.  It's all very Mic Jagger, 

 

Goldy      

 

 

Hi Sandy,

 

Once again, I have to agree and disagree...

I think your song is more like what Police might do as a sequel to Roxanne, than what Rolling Stones would do. However, as stated earlier, I am not a fan (Stones), and don't know everything they ever did, mainly because I'm not a fan lol. As with a lot of artists, I like some things, and hate others, despite whatever success they may have had. Sometimes big artists can make a hit out of complete crap!

 

I also feel Jan's submissions are both well written, but I can't hear the Stones doing them (re-read the bit out not being a fan...) I think they are way too deep and meaningful for the Stones. I may be wrong.

 

I'm not comparing them to mine in any way either. I read around 6 Stones' songs and got my structure from just a small sample after all. Good luck to both of you though. We aren't competing after all.

 

Kel

[JDHarris]

Hey Kel

 

I think Goldy has a good one, don't think we can judge what the Stones might do or not yet, things could be a changin'.  I could be wrong....again. 

 

Kel I actually think yours is spot on with strutting and such.

 

Good luck to all.  We all jumped, but is it the Rolling Stones or the Rolling Stone for whom we write?  John??

 

Someone maybe Rudi who asked the question, never saw Johns answer.  I'm just saying. 

[goldylocks]

Hi Sandy,

 

Once again, I have to agree and disagree...

I think your song is more like what Police might do as a sequel to Roxanne, than what Rolling Stones would do. However, as stated earlier, I am not a fan (Stones), and don't know everything they ever did, mainly because I'm not a fan lol. As with a lot of artists, I like some things, and hate others, despite whatever success they may have had. Sometimes big artists can make a hit out of complete crap!

 

I also feel Jan's submissions are both well written, but I can't hear the Stones doing them (re-read the bit out not being a fan...) I think they are way too deep and meaningful for the Stones. I may be wrong.

 

I'm not comparing them to mine in any way either. I read around 6 Stones' songs and got my structure from just a small sample after all. Good luck to both of you though. We aren't competing after all.

 

Kel

Thanks Kel, for your input, I always value what you say.. I just read the Roxanne.lyrics. Talk about repetition, and the lyrics are as basic as can be. How did that song become a hit? It sounds almost Reggae, not my cup of tea, but I see a lot of the similarities in my lyrics of a worn out hooker

Let's face it

.

My lyrics can't get no satisfaction

My lyrics can't get no satisfaction

'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can't get no, I can't get no

All I get is an explained reaction

I can't get no, oh no, no, no

Hey, hey, hey, that's what I say LOL

..

 

 

Goldy     

 

.

 

 

 .

[Kel]

Goldy's right

it's a gas gas gas!

[john]

Hey Kel

 

I think Goldy has a good one, don't think we can judge what the Stones might do or not yet, things could be a changin'.  I could be wrong....again. 

 

Kel I actually think yours is spot on with strutting and such.

 

Good luck to all.  We all jumped, but is it the Rolling Stones or the Rolling Stone for whom we write?  John??

 

Someone maybe Rudi who asked the question, never saw Johns answer.  I'm just saying. 

Ahhhh. Doh!

You write for fun, learning and a good challenge. Just as I prefaced previous challenges with a back story regarding the motivation or purpose, fake or fanciful, I did the same here. I didn't think you would believe The Stones had contacted Songstuff asking for our challenge group specifically to write a song for them. That said stranger things have happened in Rock n Roll.

I had however been keen that you write for a real purpose and I had been considering suggesting sending the finished song lyrics to their publisher, after all why not? If you had completed the challenge But not wanted to be associated with The Stones I would have suggested submitting yours under a pen name.

I should perhaps have made the band name the Strolling Bones or some such to make it glaringly obvious, I just thought you would have spotted it a mile away!

If you have taken it completely seriously I see it as not a completely bad thing as future challenges will sometimes incorporate submitting songs to bands, producers, publishers, production companies etc, though I will be building in aspects designed to make you self sufficient as writers rather than opportunities landing on your lap.

That said, the misunderstanding (entirely my fault and for that I cannot say sorry enough) it has now given me an idea about contacting some artists, publishers, producers and production companies with a view to setting up exactly that, a chance to pitch your works. Leave it with me and I will see what I can come up with.

Yet again, my profound apologies for the misunderstanding. Note to self, be less believable with fake back stories! (Being believable with the genuine ones is fine!).

Doh!

[JDHarris]

John, good one!!  got everyone going eh!

 

Let us now hope that stranger things happen.

 

jan

Edited September 30, 2013 by JDHarris

[john]

Thanks Jan

I have updated the original topic in case anyone else is unintentionally duped!

[Kel]

Hi John,

 

I always figured you were using a well established brand, rather than an actual ie real commission from the Rolling Stones. 

 

That said, if people took you literally, all the more interest, though maybe with some added pressure that may not yet be warranted. 

 

That said, a letter arrived in my mailbox today from the management of Ban Juvi and they want a whole album worth!

 

Cya

Kel

[JDHarris]

Kel:  I actually did, lol, when I read  your comment on Ban Juvi.

 

Write on brother, write on.....jan.

Edited October 1, 2013 by JDHarris

[john]

As I mentioned during a recent challenge I think that it is important, growth wise, to write for a real purpose, with real pressure, as that will change the effort put in, and the final work. Nothing quite sharpens the proverbial pencil like a healthy dose of realism. But my intention was to introduce it by less covert means

As challenges go the only realism I had intended introducing here, in this specific challenge , was the very real writer's goal of writing for a specific band, with the possibility of pitching it at the end if you were happy with the result (and why wouldn't you be If it works for the artist and it is fit for purpose?). As mentioned above, if it was for a genre that was not what you wanted to be known for, that is exactly what pen names are for!

I don't want these challenges to be "just fun". I really want them to be a focus for improvement, a provider of focused purpose, giving you permission to try new and important things while within the safety of a group, in what I hope you find a nurturing and encouraging environment, where you, the writers, not only enjoy the challenges but take the challenges very personally and view them as a very real opportunity.

So far I have tried to keep any guidance by me at a minimum for each challenge, providing only what I think is necessary for that week. My one ongoing disappointment is that I would like to offer more detailed critique, but time had often thwarted me in that regard.

There is method in my madness. I have tried to evolve the challenges, focusing on new or different aspects of writing, or combinations of lessons learnt and things tried in previous challenges, so that gradually they build towards a whole more rounded toolset encompassing not just writing lyrics, but how lyrics combine with music to make a song and then what you can do with the song so the exploration of tools goes beyond the writing process.

So far I haven't overly underlined lessons to be learned unless I thought there was a need to. It is far better that you all reach conclusions yourselves, as those lessons tend to be the best learned.

That said I will share one observation that so far I feel each of you approaches in the same way, and it could be much more effective. That is critique of the posted works.

So, while retaining the fun and fluid element your next challenges will have a strong element of assessed critique. It's one element missing off the boards in general, ie developing your critique skills by examining them and critiquing the critique!

I know so far it hasn't really been the focus of the challenges, but as I look at what weekly is being done, that is the obvious biggest area that each of you could improve and reap great benefits from.

Last thing I will say here is that I have been very pleased so far at the response of the members of the group taking part, and I have seen big improvement in the work of each of you. I think you can see that in the work of each other, and I really hope that you can each see it in your own work too.

[Vagdavercustis]

I've changed my mind and went with Drippin' love.

 

I took the car, destination unknown

Followed the road far away from home

Stopped by a little diner place

There she stood in all her grace

 

She came up and asked me

Would you like some coffee or tea

Long blond hair, a little bit shy

I replied, what about your pie

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

 

She got me going all night long

Giving it to her hard and strong

When the sun came up in the sky,

time to hit the road, no goodbye

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

[Rudi]

You write for fun, learning and a good challenge. Just as I prefaced previous challenges with a back story regarding the motivation or purpose, fake or fanciful, I did the same here. I didn't think you would believe The Stones had contacted Songstuff asking for our challenge group specifically to write a song for them. That said stranger things have happened in Rock n Roll.

 

 

I can’t believe this. All my family and workmates think I have a chance for inclusion on a Rolling Stones song. Only the band were sceptical, but I have assured them that this is all genuine and happening. They remain sceptical, and now I’m never going to live this down.

 

Thanks a bunch John