Challenge #15 Writing For The Strolling Bones

[Vagdavercustis]

Vagda,

The most important thing is that you have the feel of this sort of song pretty much spot on right.

The content is far more boastful than anything Mick has sung (or would dare to probably).

The metaphors work well; ‘pie’ for example. I find you can invent them and make them mean anything you want them to. The stones do this themselves. ‘Brown Sugar’ being an obvious example (a slave girl).

I think you could’ve gone one more yourself in ‘Drippin Love’ with ‘hot sweet coffee’ perhaps? It would have tied in with the title and echoed with all those ‘drippin’ references.

Great to see you going for these challenges. I must remember this when John asks us to write a song for Nellie Furtado or Alfie Boe.

Rudi

PS editor not functioning

Thanks for your comment  

I'm not a Stones fan so I was afraid it wasn't the genre it was supposed to be, but I did my best.

Hot sweet coffee sounds nice!! I'm going to rewrite some things now with the advises I've got and post it on the forum.

Never heard of Alfie Boe   

Going to google her!!

[Vagdavercustis]

Take two:

 

Drippin’ Love

 

You give love in drips and drabs

Your love takes all I have

I shouldn’t blame you, I know

Girl, you won’t let me go

 

I try to count one, two, three

Careless tears fall on me

Rip my heart out as you please

Girl, I am on my knees

 

I’m on my knees, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

  

Now that I have had my way

Dammit girl you can’t stay

There’s someone else coming home

Girl, your love’s free to roam

 

I’m on my knees,  beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

I find your first sentence funny!! Does it have any meaning? (don't know all the English words!)

You had another aproach than me but I like it. 

I'm just a little bit confused. Does he want her to stay or go away?

'Cause he's begging for her but than he sends her away...

[Vagdavercustis]

Sticky When Rich

 

Intro:

When I was a kid I didn’t gather no moss

Now im the boss, I cant seem to wash it off

 

 

V1

When I sang the blues, I ran through the milieu

with defiance in my heart, and shit on my shoes

And when I lusted for the earth, I didn’t reckon on the hurt

I only saw the candy, no I couldn’t see the dirt

 

 

Chorus:

Sticky when rich, it’s on every stitch I stand in

Tarred and pitched, bitching and demanding

No I cant let go,  I can only touch some more

yes I know it’s kind of kitsch but you that you’re sticky babe…

Yes you’re sticky when rich

 

     -Chorus-

 

V2:

Baby you and me, we was running free

I turned around and found, we didn’t cover no ground

I turned back again, there was you and your mother,

And next thing I know, it’s a half a dozen others.

 

    -Chorus-

 

V3:

Baby you can join me under this umbrella

But there aint no room for them white trash fellers

Do ya wanna be with me or the hoi polloi?

Did you reckon on winding up a rich man’s toy?

 

-Chorus-

 

Scat outro:

All that filthy lucre sticks to everything

And it glistens on my shoes and it shows in my clothes

It clogs up my ears and it sweetens the air underneath my nose

But its sticky honey

Yes its sticky when rich

Sometimes…

I wanna kick shit in the slum with all the other scum

Because all this fine dining is gittin kind of humdrum

Sticky when rich…

Sticky when rich…

 

 

1-Oct-2013

Unwise Bill, Stabber & Ricardo

I don't understand every word of it... but you always use words I don't know

But I get the point!!

I didn't really understand 'sticky when rich' but I do now.

It's a verry good write!! 

[Lisa Gates]

I find your first sentence funny!! Does it have any meaning? (don't know all the English words!)

You had another aproach than me but I like it. 

I'm just a little bit confused. Does he want her to stay or go away?

'Cause he's begging for her but than he sends her away...

Hi Vagda!

Drips and Drabs is an American saying meaning "a little bit at a time" or in bits and pieces.

 

I know it is confusing but I mean to keep the lisetner on their toes. He desires her to stay but alas he is married (or in a commited relationship...) and she HAS to go. Cheater!! Ha!

Anyway, some of the Stones I mean Bones songs don't make all that much sense...

[Vagdavercustis]

Hi Vagda!

Drips and Drabs is an American saying meaning "a little bit at a time" or in bits and pieces.

 

I know it is confusing but I mean to keep the lisetner on their toes. He desires her to stay but alas he is married (or in a commited relationship...) and she HAS to go. Cheater!! Ha!

Anyway, some of the Stones I mean Bones songs don't make all that much sense...

Hahaha okay than... I'm following again

Their are a lot of lyrics that doesn't make any sense!

[Kel]

I find your first sentence funny!! Does it have any meaning? (don't know all the English words!)

You had another aproach than me but I like it. 

I'm just a little bit confused. Does he want her to stay or go away?

'Cause he's begging for her but than he sends her away...

Hi Vagda,

 

The common expression is "dribs and drabs" and it more or less means "little by little" or "in small doses" or "a little bit at a time" ,

 

Like eating beautiful Belgian chocolate we can stuff it all in our mouth at once, or square by square, in dribs and drabs....

 

I think Lisa has used drips and drabs to tie in with the dripping love, a very "artiste" thing to do   

 

Kel

Edited October 2, 2013 by Kel

[Vagdavercustis]

Great, now I want to stuff myself with chocolate
But we do have the best here!

Thanks for the explanation. I'm learning every day a little bit more English here

[Kel]

Serves me write for not reading all the way through... (yes mistake was intended!)

 

Don't worry Vagda, we'll have you speaking US English, Strine and even Pommy English before we're through with you!

 

"Strine" is a comical reference to Australian... to other accents we sound like we sound very different to how we sound to ourselves I guess. I hear the big difference with the American accent is they pronounce their "r"s, when they say a word with an "er" on the end they actually say "to - geth-errr" while down her we tend to say "ta-geth-a". I'm impressed by what a great example I just made! The other think is we tend to leave out the spaces, or it sounds like that to untrained ears...

 

Accents vary widely in US and even in UK, but no so much in Australia, sometimes the further away from big cities you are the slower you speak but not always. 

 

I love some depictions of our accent and hate others... remember the seagulls in "Finding Nemo?" Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! loved it! And the sage elephant seal in Happy Feet... but Meryl Streep in Evil Angels? Hated that... a dingo took my biby! yuk! - BIBY!

 

Common "Strine" sounds:

 

I'll use lower case for soft sounds and upper case for hard sounds...

 

..er:   a

..did you:                          didja

..can you:                        canya

...would you:                   woodja

.. how much is that?       emmachiset?

... Australia:                    astraylya

 

That's enough for now.

 

Cheers,

Kel

[Kel]

Around 8pm for you Vagda? Big night planned or having a quiet one. I'm doing my typical nerdy thing and checking emails with my first coffee of the day!

[Vagdavercustis]

Okay I understand it
It's like the dialects here with us. It's a really small country but a lot of different dialects.
If I go to the sea over here I never understand the people... it's the same language but their dialect doesn't make sense to me. 

I apreciate you took the time to explain it to me!!
"to-geth-errr" sounds like a pirate talking

[Vagdavercustis]

Around 8pm for you Vagda? Big night planned or having a quiet one. I'm doing my typical nerdy thing and checking emails with my first coffee of the day!

It's 10pm over here.

Just relaxing in the sofa with my boyfriend and 2 cats. Watching 'Grey's Anatomy'

Verry addictive soap!! Tomorrow a working day again so not going to stay up late.

I always have a lot of reading to do on the forum here in the morning

[Lisa Gates]

Hi Vagda,

 

The common expression is "dribs and drabs" and it more or less means "little by little" or "in small doses" or "a little bit at a time" ,

 

Like eating beautiful Belgian chocolate we can stuff it all in our mouth at once, or square by square, in dribs and drabs....

 

I think Lisa has used drips and drabs to tie in with the dripping love, a very "artiste" thing to do   

 

Kel

Tanx for eloquently correcting me...I did it by subliminal accident.

[Kel]

Lisa, my dear, I wouldn't dream of correcting you, I thought you had used an artistic licence to bring the expression into line with your song. Really. Truly. Would I lie to you? Say Lisa, would you like to buy shares in this new bridge they're building in San Francisco?

 

Wow, 2 ladies, I'm lucky today!

 

K

My ex was a Greys Anatomy fan. I had no interest after George left!

 

K

[Vagdavercustis]

 

My ex was a Greys Anatomy fan. I had no interest after George left!

 

K

thanks for the spoiler!

[Kel]

oops sorry that was so early in the show!

I think she was watching series 5 or 6 when we broke up, that was over 2 years ago and it's still on I think.

Edited October 2, 2013 by Kel

[goldylocks]

Les, where's your song? You always write for the challenge. I've been looking forward to what you've written.

 

 

Goldy

[Lisa Gates]

Lisa, my dear, I wouldn't dream of correcting you, I thought you had used an artistic licence to bring the expression into line with your song. Really. Truly. Would I lie to you? Say Lisa, would you like to buy shares in this new bridge they're building in San Francisco?

 

Wow, 2 ladies, I'm lucky today!

 

K

My ex was a Greys Anatomy fan. I had no interest after George left

 

K,

correct away! and I know all to well about the bridges...

[Kel]

Mate,

 

There is no need to be so hard on yourself. Being a Pommy living in New Zealand is hard enough!

 

I liked the overall feel, though I thought at least of lines are almost straight from other Bones' songs... particularly: she’ll make a grown man cry... from Start Me Up

 

Kel

Edited October 3, 2013 by Kel

[Kel]

Kel

 

I have amended that line for better or worse? I dont think I should use anything of theirs! 

 

Did cross my mind about that line but thought they dont own it! (or may be they do?) but it does stand out like a sore thumb!

 

 

how did you add a poll your post?

 

cheers Bro

 

It's early days yet, Bro... only been up for a couple of hours and so far it's 100% YES! (2/2 LOL)

 

Choice!

 

K

[Kel]

Lol yeah that line is one of theirs, I did have other lines but thought that fitted ok.

I don't think anything else is from theirs? Not intentionally anyway, I only read honky tonk woman lyrics .

Lol again pom in NZ! Darn right they just don't get my sense of humour!!!,

This was a bit rushed I had another verse I was working on but time wise I decided to leave it out,.

Cheers mate

Les

 

I forgot to point out something else I noticed:

 

In V1 L2 you have "Coming down, down...." and then in V2 L2 you have "Blown Blown away..."

 

I'd put to you that close enough isn't good enough and either lose the Coming from V1or add a Being or some other verbish word to V2 to maintain consistency.

 

However, as you have 2 lines with repeated words in the chorus, I don't think you should do it in the verse too. Just my opinion.

 

Cheers,

Kel