Challenge #15 Writing For The Strolling Bones

[Rudi]

Lisa,

 

You really dont like the Stones do you?

 

I would never have thought of 'Dripping Love' that way.

Kudos for going for it in spite of your misgivings.

[Rudi]

John,

 

So, while I am truly sorry there was a misunderstanding I think you at least own some of how far you took it without clarification and taking it so far beyond the previous first topic backstory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gotcha !

 

[Lisa Gates]

John,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gotcha !

 

DOH! Thank God, I would find the challenges less thrilling if we didn't have the back story and some whole hearted fun!

RUDI!!

[Lisa Gates]

Lisa,

 

You really dont like the Stones do you?

 

I would never have thought of 'Dripping Love' that way.

Kudos for going for it in spite of your misgivings.

That bad huh? yeah, I thought so!... lol

Dripping love in pieces (take it when you can get!)

and thanks for getting it!

[Rudi]

Sticky When Rich

 

Intro:

When I was a kid I didn’t gather no moss

Now im the boss, I cant seem to wash it off

 

 

V1

When I sang the blues, I ran through the milieu

with defiance in my heart, and shit on my shoes

And when I lusted for the earth, I didn’t reckon on the hurt

I only saw the candy, no I couldn’t see the dirt

 

 

Chorus:

Sticky when rich, it’s on every stitch I stand in

Tarred and pitched, bitching and demanding

No I cant let go,  I can only touch some more

yes I know it’s kind of kitsch but you that you’re sticky babe…

Yes you’re sticky when rich

 

     -Chorus-

 

V2:

Baby you and me, we was running free

I turned around and found, we didn’t cover no ground

I turned back again, there was you and your mother,

And next thing I know, it’s a half a dozen others.

 

    -Chorus-

 

V3:

Baby you can join me under this umbrella

But there aint no room for them white trash fellers

Do ya wanna be with me or the hoi polloi?

Did you reckon on winding up a rich man’s toy?

 

-Chorus-

 

Scat outro:

All that filthy lucre sticks to everything

And it glistens on my shoes and it shows in my clothes

It clogs up my ears and it sweetens the air underneath my nose

But its sticky honey

Yes its sticky when rich

Sometimes…

I wanna kick shit in the slum with all the other scum

Because all this fine dining is gittin kind of humdrum

Sticky when rich…

Sticky when rich…

 

 

1-Oct-2013

Unwise Bill, Stabber & Ricardo

[john]

John,

 

 

Gotcha !

 

Mumbles, grumbles n stomps off

Just as well, I've had a real crap week, I spent ages on that post thinking "it's so unlike Rudi", but that put a smile on my face. Ya auld #^%*%$€!!!

Rudi, next week, your challenge is gonna be soooooo much harder!

[Lisa Gates]

Mumbles, grumbles n stomps off

Just as well, I've had a real crap week, I spent ages on that post thinking "it's so unlike Rudi", but that put a smile on my face. Ya auld #^%*%$€!!!

Rudi, next week, your challenge is gonna be soooooo much harder!

John, hope you are better now! Hospital sucks!

[Lisa Gates]

Sticky When Rich

 

Intro:

When I was a kid I didn’t gather no moss

Now im the boss, I cant seem to wash it off

 

 

V1

When I sang the blues, I ran through the milieu

with defiance in my heart, and shit on my shoes

And when I lusted for the earth, I didn’t reckon on the hurt

I only saw the candy, no I couldn’t see the dirt

 

 

Chorus:

Sticky when rich, it’s on every stitch I stand in

Tarred and pitched, bitching and demanding

No I cant let go,  I can only touch some more

yes I know it’s kind of kitsch but you that you’re sticky babe…

Yes you’re sticky when rich

 

     -Chorus-

 

V2:

Baby you and me, we was running free

I turned around and found, we didn’t cover no ground

I turned back again, there was you and your mother,

And next thing I know, it’s a half a dozen others.

 

    -Chorus-

 

V3:

Baby you can join me under this umbrella

But there aint no room for them white trash fellers

Do ya wanna be with me or the hoi polloi?

Did you reckon on winding up a rich man’s toy?

 

-Chorus-

 

Scat outro:

All that filthy lucre sticks to everything

And it glistens on my shoes and it shows in my clothes

It clogs up my ears and it sweetens the air underneath my nose

But its sticky honey

Yes its sticky when rich

Sometimes…

I wanna kick shit in the slum with all the other scum

Because all this fine dining is gittin kind of humdrum

Sticky when rich…

Sticky when rich…

 

 

1-Oct-2013

Unwise Bill, Stabber & Ricardo

hoi polloi... care to explain? Or do I have to look it up?

[goldylocks]

Hi Goldy! I think I've read what everyone else put for your song here, but I have one other note to share with you. More times than not The Stones (I mean Bones) seem to write in the First Person (I hope that's right...) Mick always seems to be in the song: (I, ME) Your song is in the third person (SHE, THEY)

I really do like your descriptive story though. Its well rounded. Maybe your challenge is to now make it for The Bones!

Lisa

Lisa, I changed to first person, is this what you mean? I hardly ever write in first person.

This is my 2nd version, I wanted to write the reality of my sad version of being called Red Hot Mama EDITED TO FIRST PERSON.

Red Hot Mama

V

I watch her on the street at night

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

Pre Chorus

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

C

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she seems to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

V

I see her in shiny red lipstick

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

V

Age has played her so hard

I know she tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

B

I wonder if her life will change

But I really don't know

If she had family to help

She'd have hope for tomorrow

C

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she seems to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

Goldy :grindance:

Edited October 1, 2013 by goldylocks

[Kel]

Ok, I'm not myself...I have NEVER liked the Stones (or Bones)  so here goes:

 

Drippin’ Love

 

Drippin’ love in drips and drabs

Your love takes all I have

I shouldn’t blame you, I know

Girl, your Drippin’ love won’t let me go

 

Drippin’ love count one, two, three

Careless tears fall on me

Rip my heart out as you please

Girl, your Drippin’ love I’m on my knees

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

 

Drippin Love I’m sweatin now

Lasting love teach me how

Workin it until I drop

Girl, your Drippin Love don’t let it stop

 

Drippin Love I’ve had my way

Dammit girl you can’t stay

There’s someone else coming home

Girl, your Drippin Love is free to roam

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Hey Lisa,

 

I love your overuse of repetition it's very Stones Bones! From a technical stand though, you have your title in your verse, and that is a no no in a song with a chorus. Also, I wouldn't make Mick's grunts part of your lyric, that is more a performance thing in my opinion. Also, your structure is a bit out, in that you have 2 verses between your 1st and 2nd chorus, while the "guidelines" say only one.

 

Remember we are writing for somebody else. And if the Stones Bones don't run with it, we still need to be able to pitch it to somebody else. In reality the Stones Bones write their own, or cover exceedingly well written songs written by successful writers (Under the Boardwalk for eg) so whatever rules they break in songs they pen themselves, we don't have the luxury of copying. Other A&R people will be laughing all the way to the trash can!

 

Your lyric isn't the only one I've read that throws this guideline out the window, but as external writers, sticking to the formula of successful externally written songs is a must in my humble opinion.

 

Kel

[Kel]

hoi polloi... care to explain? Or do I have to look it up?

 

The rich and famous, the celebrity circle, the folk from Harvard who down a Yale, those who think anyone worth less than a million is trash, lazy or stoopid, and of course, old money, not some new up and at it worked his way into a fortune lucky trash... no, old money only, country clubs, weekends in Paris, money in the Caymans...

 

Got it?

[Kel]

Hey Goldy,

 

I think it works better from a first person perspective, it makes things more "intimate".

 

I still think the structure is out for an external song, but I won't harp on about it, it's pretty well covered earlier.

 

K

[goldylocks]

hoi polloi... care to explain? Or do I have to look it up?

Okay Rudi, this is darn good, but this part of the chorus, isn't as smooth as the others. It's awkward. Just my opinion. Interesting lyric on being sticky when you're rich.

Chorus:

Sticky when rich, it’s on every stitch I stand in

Tarred and pitched, bitching and demanding

No I cant let go, I can only touch some more

yes I know it’s kind of kitsch (but you that you’re sticky babe…( It doesn't read right to me)

Yes you’re sticky when rich

Goldy

[JDHarris]

John, I hope all is well with you, and what ever brought you to the hospital is over. 

I quite enjoyed the challenge.  Look forward to more famous bands/artist you have up your sleeve.

 

always smiling, even if it's just my insanity showing through.

 

jan

[goldylocks]

You are a tower of industry Goldy. This was a lot of work. In fact I think you worked a bit too hard. Once the idea is established. Mick & Keith's songs never develop as yours has done.

 

But you should do it your way I think. Why restrict yourself to a format after all?

 

It started as a Stones song and ended as a Goldy song. No bad thing!

Hey Rudi, thanks for your comments, I have no idea how to write a Bones lyric, so it ended up with my style. I enjoyed looking inside the mind of the last years of a not so Red Hot Mama.

 

Goldy  

[goldylocks]

 

I've changed my mind and went with Drippin' love.

 

I took the car, destination unknown

Followed the road far away from home

Stopped by a little diner place

There she stood in all her grace/ with her beautiful face

 

She came up and asked me

Would you like some coffee or tea

Long blond hair, a little bit shy

I replied, what about your pie

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base/ running to third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place/ cut it off here

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

 

She got me going all night long

Giving it to her hard and strong

When the sun came up in the sky,

time to hit the road, no goodbye

 

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

On the counter, the table

Running the third base

Oh, oh, oh

Drippin' love all over the place

She screamed so loud

They must have heard it in space

 

I  like this a lot, gave you a few suggestions. Keep or sweep. They're only suggestions to help with your language. Other than that, the song's really cute.

 

Goldy    

[Lisa Gates]

The rich and famous, the celebrity circle, the folk from Harvard who down a Yale, those who think anyone worth less than a million is trash, lazy or stoopid, and of course, old money, not some new up and at it worked his way into a fortune lucky trash... no, old money only, country clubs, weekends in Paris, money in the Caymans...

 

Got it?

I figured it was "old money"...

[goldylocks]

Hey Goldy,

 

I think it works better from a first person perspective, it makes things more "intimate".

 

I still think the structure is out for an external song, but I won't harp on about it, it's pretty well covered earlier.

 

K

Kel, would you tell us the exact external formula you're talking about. I thought it was verse, verse chorus verse, verse, bridge chorus most of the time.. So what is the most successful external formula for writing lyrics? I do have to admit, I didn't use that formula in this challenge.

 

 

Goldy   

[Lisa Gates]

Hey Lisa,

 

I love your overuse of repetition it's very Stones Bones! From a technical stand though, you have your title in your verse, and that is a no no in a song with a chorus. Also, I wouldn't make Mick's grunts part of your lyric, that is more a performance thing in my opinion. Also, your structure is a bit out, in that you have 2 verses between your 1st and 2nd chorus, while the "guidelines" say only one.

 

Remember we are writing for somebody else. And if the Stones Bones don't run with it, we still need to be able to pitch it to somebody else. In reality the Stones Bones write their own, or cover exceedingly well written songs written by successful writers (Under the Boardwalk for eg) so whatever rules they break in songs they pen themselves, we don't have the luxury of copying. Other A&R people will be laughing all the way to the trash can!

 

Your lyric isn't the only one I've read that throws this guideline out the window, but as external writers, sticking to the formula of successful externally written songs is a must in my humble opinion.

 

Kel

ah, you caught me again...I started out that way but when I saw Vagda had the same amount of V and C I didn't want to duplicate. I'll edit when I get home...in an hour...not from Orlando!    

Lisa, I changed to first person, is this what you mean? I hardly ever write in first person.

This is my 2nd version, I wanted to write the reality of my sad version of being called Red Hot Mama EDITED TO FIRST PERSON.

Red Hot Mama

V

I watch her on the street at night

Wearing a black mini dress

Tears stream down her face

Wondering where she'll go next

Pre Chorus

No one knows her drama

Or what's behind her sad eyes

No one can see through her

Painful, painful disguise

C

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she seems to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

V

I see her in shiny red lipstick

Throwing back her long blonde hair

Staring into the empty future

Knowing she's going nowhere

V

Age has played her so hard

I know she tries to pretend

Remembering better times

When she was young again

B

I wonder if her life will change

But I really don't know

If she had family to help

She'd have hope for tomorrow

C

I call her Red Hot Mama

She lives her nights precariously

But she's nothing like she seems to be

Turning tricks like a merry go round

Each ride takes her further down

Bound to a life of Hell she falls

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

She's not Red Hot Mama at all

Goldy :grindance:

awww that was quick! Yes, that is what I mean. Do you like it? I do!

[goldylocks]

Ok, I'm not myself...I have NEVER liked the Stones (or Bones)  so here goes:

 

Drippin’ Love

 

Drippin’ love in drips and drabs

Your love takes all I have

I shouldn’t blame you, I know

Girl, your Drippin’ love won’t let me go

 

Drippin’ love count one, two, three

Careless tears fall on me

Rip my heart out as you please

Girl, your Drippin’ love I’m on my knees

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

 

Drippin Love I’m sweatin now

Lasting love teach me how

Workin it until I drop

Girl, your Drippin Love don’t let it stop

 

Drippin Love I’ve had my way

Dammit girl you can’t stay

There’s someone else coming home

Girl, your Drippin Love is free to roam

 

I’m on my knees, uh, beggin you please

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

Don’t take your Drippin Love from me

No matter what I do, uh, I’m screwed

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

Without your Drippin Love I can’t see through

I think Kels right, you're not suppose to use your title in the song when you have a chorus, but I like your repetition, it keeps drippin drippin the lyrics inside my mind. Lol.

 

Goldy